Kickflip On A Skateboard (Bucket List #6)

Glasgow, Scotland, UK • March 2008 • Length of Read: 2 Minutes

From the baggy jeans with obligatory chain attached; to the over-sized t-shirts of bands I didn't even listen to; to the rock-hard hair gel; to the grumpy and depressed attitude, my early teenage years perfectly encapsulated the insecure wannabe punk-rocker vibe.

From watching too much of the Kerrang! music channel on television; to wishing I were in the cast of Jackass; to having a severe obsession with the Tony Hawk's Pro Skater video game series, my early teenage years also perfectly encapsulated the kid who idolised rebellion because he never had the courage to rebel himself.

And the culture at the heart of this movement was the increasingly popular sport of skateboarding.

Everyone could perform an 'ollie' jump, but to 'kickflip' - that made you worthy of some attention.

So, practice, practice, and practice is what I did. The bruises, cuts, and grazes on my elbows and knees never having time to fully heal before the next fall re-aggravated the wounds and sores. But these weren't marks of failure, these were marks of courage and fearlessness. To hit a ramp and then to head-to-head with the concrete pavement? That took guts.

Anyway, at that age you are just able to dust yourself off and go again. And eventually, after months and months of practice, I finally managed to land that elusive 'kickflip' move in real life, the move that you just had to flick 'circle and left' on your PlayStation controller to accomplish, and boy did it feel good.

Learn A Martial Art (Bucket List #108)

Glasgow, Scotland, UK • March 2008 • Length of Read: 2 Minutes

In addition to spending three nights trekking and camping in the Scottish Highlands, part of the Duke of Edinburgh Silver Award we did at school required us to show that we’d also been able to undertake and learn a new sport or skill. Always a bit of a weakling, and one to shy away from conflict (what can I say, girls, I’m a lover, not a fighter), I thought of this as the perfect opportunity to learn a bit of Bruce Lee-style self-defence. Therefore, with my friend Ollie as a sparring partner, I signed up for classes in the deadly art of Jeet Kun Do at the gym owned by a family friend’s dad.

Now, not to offend any martial art types, especially considering that they would more than likely be able to knock me out in a single sweeping movement, I’ll describe Jeet Kun Do as a sort of pussy-like form of Karate. As a teaser of things to come, in the first lesson, our instructor showed us his immense strength by breaking a bunch of wooden boards with a solitary clenched-fist jab. When it came to the actual learning of basic moves, however, the training sessions more resembled fights between two upper-bourgeois women swinging handbags at one another in a department store than the fluid ancient Eastern movements we’d been taught.

Things progressed slightly from there in the coming weeks, but in all honesty, I found it really hard to punch and kick strangers deliberately in the face, regardless of whether we were wearing protective headgear and gloves or not. At the end of the twelve-week block I was rewarded my yellow belt, one up from the starting white belt, but I felt no desire to continue my training. From that moment on, I just made it my mission to avoid physical confrontation at all costs and to break down my enemies mentally instead. And after serious study, I’m now a self-proclaimed black belt in the art of manipulation.

Watch the IMDB Top 100 Movies (Bucket List #29)

Glasgow, Scotland, UK • July 2013 • Length of Read: 7 Minutes

I never really watched that many films growing up, especially those which could be referred to as ‘classics’. The occasional family trip to the cinema was made during times of bad weather, of course, which in Glasgow is more often than not, but I never really received an education in cinematic history past a few shoddy remakes and those films released by Disney and Pixar. As a result of this, I felt that I was missing out on a host of pop culture references and the punchlines to a number of stories and jokes. Therefore, at the age of sixteen and as an introverted pubescent recluse, I made it my aim to watch the hundred best movies of all time, regardless of genre, release date, or language.

Three years later, after a lot of nights binge watching my laptop screen and an incredible amount of illegal online streaming, I managed to complete the Internet Movie Database’s (IMDB) list of the top 100 critically rated movies. Now, I’m not going to give you a play-by-play synopsis of each bloody film, a lot of which I would describe as plain vanilla, but I will give you an insight as to what I thought of a select few. Remember, however, the list of films I watched is just a selective as my opinion on them, so don’t go crying to mummy that your favourite didn’t make the cut. I should also state here that, for the purposes of this bucket list item, documentaries were not included.

Okay, so let’s start with my five least favourite films on the list, each of which I really struggled to even get to the end of. Some didn’t stand the test of time, some were downright bizarre, and all, in my unprofessional opinion, were more shitty than the unsanitary long drop toilet of a poorly irrigated African village.

Film

1. Seven Samurai (1954)
   
   
   
    
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
    
3. Sunset Boulevard (1950)
    
4. Paths of Glory (1957)
   
   
    
5. Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

crobs abroad review

1. Black-and-white film in Japanese. Guy spent half-an-hour eating rice, a farm burned down, then there was a lot of horseback riding. Perhaps a predecessor to Brokeback Mountain?
2. Jim Carrey being surprisingly unfunny in a number of fantasy worlds whilst chasing a far-too-young and far-too-pretty girl.
3. Some movie actress gets depressed about retiring, kicks up a fuss, and people die.  
4. Bunch of guys stuck in a trench during WWI get bored, just like me watching it, then an evil general has to be a dick in order to save his own back. 
5. Plain vanilla gangster movie that felt longer than the entire Lord of The Rings trilogy. 

In contrast, here are the  five films which I was completely blown away with. Not my favourite five, but those which I expected absolutely nothing of and ended up bringing tears of laughter and sadness to my eyes.

Film

1. Untouchable (2011)
   
   
    
2. La Vita e Bella (1997)
   
   
   
    
3. Spirited Away (2001)
   
   
    
4. Leon (1994)
   
    
5. The Prestige (2006)

crobs abroad review

1. French dude from the ghetto unwillingly gets a job as the carer for a quadriplegic rich dude and the pair have serious banter and adventures.
2. Roberto Benigni writes, directs, and acts in the most emotionally-charged Holocaust movie of all-time, making a game out of his Jewish family's death camp imprisonment to protect his son.
3. A sublime Japanese anime about a young girl inadvertently wandering into an enchanted world full of sprites, beasts, and spirits, and trying to escape. Magical.
4. A ten year old Natalie Portman finds herself befriending a hitman who loves to drink milk.
5. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are rival magicians who employ cunning techniques, and go to life-threatening lengths, to top one another. A classic  Christopher Nolan mind-fuckery.

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References:

http://www.imdb.com/chart/top

30-Day Meditation Challenge (Bucket List #22)

Glasgow, Scotland, UK • March 2014 • Length of Read: 2 Minutes

Challenge: Meditate for ten minutes per day for thirty days in a row.

Like most people when they initially hear about meditation, I was under the assumption that it was all a bunch of airy-fairy, Buddhist, new-age, free-thinking nonsense. How can sitting cross-legged in silence help you find enlightenment?

I then read a book by Jon Kabat-Zinn called Wherever You Go, There You Are, however, and my perspective completely changed. A medical professional, the author laid out how meditation can be practical in everyday life to help reduce stress, worry, and anxiety; a few negative traits that I quietly held onto for quite a while. I began to understand that slowing down and reflecting on things was greatly beneficial not only to my health but also my understanding of the world as well. Therefore, I decided to set myself a challenge of meditating for an entire month straight and downloaded the much-acclaimed Headspace and Calm applications onto my phone for assistance.

At the beginning, it was not simple. The minutes passed like hours and I honestly thought at some points that the timer on my watch must have frozen. Slowly and surely, however, I got into a good morning routine of meditating on my thoughts for ten minutes before work and very quickly noticed a change in my attitude towards certain things. I would never say that I was one to cry over spilt milk, but I have been known to get worked up over situations that really turn out to be nothing. Now, as Mark Twain said, “I’ve had lots of worries in my life, most of which have never happened.”

I can’t say that I still meditate on a daily basis, although I would like to get back into this routine at some point, but having completed this challenge I have a newfound understanding of myself and a more tranquil aura and attitude towards things. And if that’s not a great takeaway from the completion of a bucket list item, then I don’t know what is.

Meet A Namesake (Bucket List #96)

Glasgow, Scotland, UK • November 2015 • Length of Read: 3 Minutes

One of my all-time favourite stand-up shows is comedian Dave Gorman’s ‘Are You Dave Gorman?’ which originated as a result of a drunken bet he made with his then flatmate, the writer and television presenter, Danny Wallace.

Whilst in the pub one night, Gorman claimed that he shared the name ‘Dave Gorman’ with the assistant manager of East Fife Football Club, and boasted that, despite never having met a namesake, there must be loads of people called Dave Gorman kicking about. Danny Wallace disagreed, however, and the pair got so carried away by this throwaway comment that a few hours later they found themselves drunkenly boarding a train from London all the way to Scotland in an attempt to meet this bloke. Successfully doing so, and getting a photo with him, Gorman was so smug about the whole situation that Wallace then bet his friend that he couldn’t find a Dave Gorman for each card in a deck of playing cards (including the jokers). This led to the pair travelling all around the UK, and internationally, to try and locate said number, all whilst trying to keep within a distance travelled of 300-500 mpdg (miles per Dave Gorman). If you haven’t seen it, or read the book, then do yourself a favour and check it out as it’s absolutely hilarious. And at the same time, it also peaked my interest in wishing to meet a namesake.

Without really having to search, my opportunity arose in the winter of 2015 when an e-mail came into my work inbox. Working as an accountant at the time, I’d been assigned to perform a weekend stocktake at a company in Glasgow that constructed cranes, and noticed with amusement that my client contact went by the name of ‘Christopher Roberts’. Messaging him to get some necessary details regarding the work, we had a bit of a laugh over e-mail about our shared name, and I waited in anticipation for the rest of the week in a hope to tick off bucket list number 96. In truth, I was even a little bit nervous when walking across the car park to the reception of his offices that following Saturday morning.

“I’m here to see Christopher Roberts, please,” I said to the beaming girl behind the desk.

“Certainly, Sir,” she responded. “And can I ask your name?”

“Christopher Roberts.”

“No, I understood who you wish to see,” she replied politely, albeit slightly confused. “I just need to let Christopher know who you are.”

“We coincidentally have the same name,” I smiled as the door to her left opened and a burly man walked out.

“Christopher Roberts?” he said, reaching out to shake my hand.

“Likewise,” I said, giving it a firm shake “It’s my first time meeting a namesake.”

“Same for me,” smiled Christopher Roberts.

“I just have one question to ask you before we get down to business,” I said, curiously.

“Fire away.”

“Do you get referred to as Crobs?”

“Never,” he replied with a deadpan face.

“Thank goodness,” I breathed in a sigh of relief. “Because that nickname is reserved for me and me only.”