Bologna - A Little Slice of Heaven

Bologna, Italy • July 2017 • Length of Read: 9 Minutes

Catching my breath, I gazed in wonder over the bronze and rust coloured city that stretched out before my eyes; the bright, mid-morning, sun illuminating the terracotta rooftops of the buildings below as the sidewalk-arching porticoes cast shadows out over the cobbled streets, providing welcome shade for the throngs of tourists and locals who were presumably perusing the myriad high-fashion shops; exploring the boutique cafes; or simply enjoying some al fresco dining whilst taking in the melting pot of architecture and culture that can be found on every corner in Bologna.

Along with the lovely Polish guy who I’d met at the tourist information centre in Piazza Maggiore, this northern Italian city’s main square, we’d just climbed 498 steps up the spiral staircase of the medieval Torre Degli Asinelli, and were taking in the panoramic vista we’d been rewarded from the top. The taller of the Two Towers, which together act as the symbol of Bologna, it has been standing strong for over 1,000 years, surviving the aerial bombings of both world wars as well as numerous lightning strikes. This tower’s shorter sister leans adjacent to it at a precarious 4-degree slant, even more squint than the 3.6-degree tilt of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and together they are among only twenty towers that remain standing in a city that used to boast more than one-hundred such constructions. With no suitable ground or space on which to build a castle, stone towers were constructed in Bologna by the region’s wealthy families, the height of the structures said to have correlated to the extent of their power. When these families had disagreements that led to bloody feuds, however, the towers would be demolished as a sign of defeat.

Back on terra firma, my calves burning from the descent, I took a stroll down the primary shopping street of Via dell’Independenza before cutting off towards the University. Founded in 1088, the University of Bologna is the oldest in the world, and unbeknownst to me upon pulling into the main train station the previous evening, I’d timed my visit for the exact week that the students’ graduation ceremonies and coinciding festivities were taking place. Entering the walled city-centre, passing a number of beautiful monuments and sculptures from the medieval, Renaissance, and Baroque artistic eras, I was astounded to be confronted with hundreds of young people laughing and drinking in the packed streets as if it were a carnival parade. Crossing a small graffiti-covered square towards the fantastic Dopa Hostel, my recommended accommodation, I’d had to duck in between a pair of students playing drunken badminton wearing Mario and Luigi costumes; a more stereotypical Italian sight one would struggle to find.

The summer temperature was peaking in the mid-thirties and with not a lick of breeze in the air for comfort I found myself taking refuge in one of the quirky little lunchtime restaurants that ran up the street from this square back towards the Two Towers. One of the beautiful things about Bologna is how compact the city centre is. Due to the walled boundaries, there is little room for expansion, so every place of interest is just a short walk apart. At no point do you feel like the place is too crowded or crushed, however. Having checked in to my hostel, I’d befriended a group of pretty Brazilian girls and a separate group of cool Austrian guys. Together, we’d all bought some beers and wine from the local liquor store and spent the evening sat in a small circle at the edge of this square; talking nonsense, trading stories, and taking in the joyously absurd student traditions. As midnight hit, we’d then sidled into a nearby pizzeria for a bite to eat, and where the chef working the large stone stove took quite a shining to the South American quartet. When I then joked to him in broken Italian that they were all ‘la mia ragazza’ he bowed to me like I was a Roman God. Either that, or he was bent double with laughter at the possibility of such a pale, skinny, ginger man being able to get away with such elegant, foreign, girls. Alas, chi non bate non scopa.

Ordering a salad and coffee for lunch, I took the seat in the restaurant with the best view of the street and gazed out at the tranquil goings on around me. Mediterranean life is chilled out in a way that would be described as lazy back home in the UK. Having spent a fair amount of time this past year with a gorgeous Italian, however, I’ve come to the realisation that clock-watching, agenda-planning, and list-making is just a great way of running yourself into a stress-induced mess. She made me realise that, I myself, needed to become more laid back and less regimented, and just being present in the atmosphere of Bologna was helping me with this. One specific observation I made whilst watching the locals go about their daily activities, was the large number of people reading books. There wasn’t a smartphone in sight. Instead, those dining alone or waiting on companions were digging into famous literature or exam notes. It only seemed fitting of an environment which oozed such class and simplicity. I’ve become a big fan of the Mediterranean life.

The waiter, a young guy called Cosimo, came over with my food and we got chatting about travel. At this point, I was seven months into a backpacking world tour that had taken me through Oceania, South East Asia, and Central Europe, and he was fascinated to learn more about my journey. Whilst eating, he quizzed me on specific places I’d been, working holiday visas, and the general grind of living life on the road. When it came to paying my bill, we exchanged numbers and I happily agreed to give him any further advice he might require in relation to his dream of moving to Australia. I left the restaurant not only captivated by the architecture and atmosphere of this city but with people as well.

Returning to the hostel to drop off some things, I found the bunk below me to be occupied by a charming American dude who had just got off the phone with a prospective new college roommate for the forthcoming fall semester. “Sorry for eavesdropping,” I said, having caught the tail end of his call, “but I couldn’t help overhearing you asking the guy on the other end of the line about his sexual escapades.”

“I’ve learnt to just be blunt about these things upfront,” he laughed shaking my hand and introducing himself. “Last year I had the unfortunate situation of living with a gay guy that was in a number of polygamous relationships and at times our flat more resembled a brothel than student accommodation.”

‘That’s hilarious,” I laughed, picturing this very normal looking dude trying to eat his breakfast in peace whilst flamboyant visitors took over the kitchen. “What are your plans for tonight?”

“I’m actually heading out right now for a date with an English girl I met online to the open-aired cinema that’s been put up at the back of Piazza Maggiore,” he said, putting on his shoes. “They are playing all English language films this week and tonight is going to be a showing of Woody Allen’s Annie Hall.”

“Good film,” I nodded. “Hope it goes well. It’s a beautiful setting for a date.”

“Fingers crossed,” he smiled, checking his hair in the mirror before leaving the room.

After writing a short article in the hostel’s common area and then taking a quick nap, I headed out as the sun set for a late dinner. There was only one dish on my mind: spaghetti bolognese, but there was no shortage of awesome eateries to go to. Wandering around the back streets, bustling osterias spilt out into the open-air, with wheels of parmesan, dangling meats, and hearty pasta dishes drawing in my nostrils with their fresh smells. I took a table at one called Osteria dell’orsa, the bear, and ordered a jug of white wine alongside the dish named after the city it originated. Tucking into it a short while later, the sun came streaking through an archway at the end of the street and gave the surrounding area an angelic feeling. ‘That’s heaven’ I thought to myself. ‘Everything about Bologna is heaven. Further on up the road, I want to establish a hostel here; to dine to my heart’s content; to drink the best coffee during the day and the best wine by night; to learn the language of the beautiful locals; to never return home.’

Get A Hole-In-One (Bucket List #124)

Whitecraigs Golf Club, Glasgow, UK • March 2006 • Length of Read: 2 Minutes

It had turned into a sunny, albeit crisp, spring afternoon as my playing partner, Brass, and I holed out on the par-5 15th at Whitecraigs Golf Club and made our way leisurely up to the raised 16th tee box. From one of the highest points on the golf course, this short par-3 offers a lovely picturesque vista of the surrounding area; with a multitude of colours radiating from the blooming plants and bushes that guard the small, nestled, green. We were fifteen-years-old and had snuck away early from our school’s sports class so that we could squeeze in a quick round before dinner. At that point in our lives, all we did was eat, sleep, and breath golf.

With the flag located about two-thirds of the way up the green, and slightly to the right-hand-side, I estimated that it was playing about 140 yards. Throwing down my scuffed ball, I selected the seven-iron from my bag and took a few practice swings. “It’s an easy hole… as long as you hit the green,” our fellow junior club teammate, Doaky, used to say sarcastically. We all knew that it was a great scoring opportunity, but that it could equally also turn into a round wrecker. There was little room for error and a wayward shot could easily result in an unplayable or even lost, ball. Visualising my shot, I addressed the ball and took a deep breath.

Swinging down slightly off-plane, I made a rather poor connection with the ball off the toe of my club and it fired off towards the right in a big, swooping, and definitely unintentional, draw. “Get left,” I shouted, leaning my body in the same direction in a desperate hope that the ball would somehow grow ears and obey my command. Move left it did, and flirting with the rear of the two bunkers that lined the right-hand side of the green, it landed on the grassy lip and bounced left onto the putting surface about fifteen feet from the hole. “Keep going,” I said under my breath as it took the slope and continued to roll towards the target. Roll it did. Before I knew it, the ball had come to a presumed rest right against the flagstick. “Drop,” I yelled.

One, two, three, seconds passed and then the ball suddenly disappeared from view. “I don’t believe it,” laughed Brass.

“I don’t think anyone else would either if you weren’t here to witness it,” I beamed, flinging my hands up in the air in delight.

“What an absolute fluke,” chucked my playing partner.

“What absolute skill,” I retorted, making my way down the path towards the green. "Hole-in-one. Check that off the bucket list."

Get A University Degree (Bucket List #49)

University of Strathclyde, Glasgow, UK • July 2013 • Length of Read: 1 Minute

In July 2013, I graduated from the University of Strathclyde in Glasgow with a joint first class honours degree in International Business & Accounting. My four years of partying and studying as a student were marked with a six-month exchange programme to the Netherlands, which saw the birth of this blog, and an untold number of raucous mid-week drinking sessions that almost always inevitably led to us passing out on the sofas in my mate Endy's flat.

Whilst there, I made a core group of friends who collectively named themselves as The Elite, and despite having gone our separate ways since graduating, we still meet up every winter holidays for a Second Christmas. Throughout Uni we took trips together to Amsterdam and Magaluf, and upon graduating five of the eight of us slung backpacks over our shoulders and set out on a quest to explore South America for a whole summer. These adventures went on to form the base of my first published travel book, Crobs Abroad: A Scot's Misadventures With A Backpack, which can be found in the online bookshop (just click the button to the top-right of your screen).

Oh, what I wouldn't give to go back to those more innocent and care-free times.

Learn to Tie A Real Bow Tie (Bucket List #107)

Glasgow, Scotland, UK • March 2016 • Length of Read: 2 Minutes

To its devotees the bow tie suggests iconoclasm of an Old World sort, a fusty adherence to a contrarian point of view. The bow tie hints at intellectualism, real or feigned, and sometimes suggests technical acumen, perhaps because it is so hard to tie. Bow ties are worn by magicians, country doctors, lawyers and professors and by people hoping to look like the above. But perhaps most of all, wearing a bow tie is a way of broadcasting an aggressive lack of concern for what other people think.
— Warren St John (The New York Times)

With my kilt fastened around my waist; garters holding up my socks; Bonnie Prince Charlie waistcoat buttoned nearly over my freshly-pressed wing-collared shirt; and valuables fastened inside my seal leather sporren (i.e. cock bag), completing the outfit with a clip-on bow tie just seemed downright wrong on a number of fronts. It was my cousin's wedding the following day, an Indian affair, and I wanted to look my best. There's something about wearing a kilt as a Scotsman that immediately increases your patriotism by tenfold, and I wanted to do our small clan proud among the other beautiful sari-wearing guests on his fiance's side of the family. As he took the plunge into matrimony, I decided to take the plunge into learning how to tie a real bow tie. Not exactly comparable, I know, but hey, we can't all pretend to be adults.

And although it may be a challenge, deciding who to learn this new skill from was easy. I've been a fan of Brett McKay and his Art of Manliness website for a long time, and have even taken inspiration from his '100 Books Every Man Should Read' for bucket list item number 111. His book, 'Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man' is both insightful and educational and the website has some great articles and advice for anyone wishing to become more of a man, be it physical, health, relationships, career, and more. I receive no affiliate links from Art of Manliness, but am just happy to recommend it as a website which has content that I've greatly benefited from. Here is there handy picture guide that I followed to tick off bucket list item number 107.

Links:

www.artofmanliness.com

Get A Tattoo (Bucket List #23)

Queenstown, New Zealand • January 2017 • Length of Read: 4 Minutes

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At twenty-six-years-old, I’ve managed to build a life that’s allowed me to traverse five continents, party excessively, act like an idiot with minimal repercussions, meet beautiful girls, and befriend hundreds of people hailing from all corners of the Earth. What I have never experienced before in my travels, however, is the strength of the connections I’d made with the people who also found themselves backpacking in the Pacific islands in January 2017. I hadn’t so much been travelling around New Zealand on a hop-on-hop-off bus, as much as I’d become part of a nomadic bromance.

The girls on the bus were right to be shocked at how close the guys had become, and even our drivers had commented during the trip that, although cliques of friendships were always made on their buses, never before had they experienced near-enough an entire bus getting along so well. Everyone on board that bus played their part, large or small, in making my trip to New Zealand truly special, but none more so than the four lads I was about to become ink brothers with.

“How much would it cost for five matching kiwi bird tattoos?” said Giles to the girl behind the reception of the Queenstown tattoo studio.

“And are you okay with tattooing arses?” chipped in Adam.

“That’s Brian’s speciality,” replied the tattoo artist. “It will be $100 per person if they are all the same template and just an outline.”

“Perfect,” said Gadams. He was the last person I would have expected to agree to such a preposterous idea, but that too goes to show how meaningful the trip was for all of us, not just myself. Although I took delight in laughing at the fact that Giles and Adam would be living on a farm in the Australian outback in only a few weeks’ time, it was a melancholic laughter. I was genuinely going to miss these guys.

“If you hang around for ten minutes then I can fit you in just now?” offered Brian, sketching out the kiwi bird that we’d selected from a quick internet search onto some tracing paper. “It should only take an hour to tattoo the whole lot of you. You just have to decide where exactly you each want to get them.”

“I’m going to get it on my right shoulder blade,” said Adam, with Gadams and me nodding in agreement.

“I’m going to get it on my ankle, I think,” said Giles, still pondering. “I was contemplating the arse cheek, but can’t bear myself to do it, neither in front of you physically nor emotionally. What about you Jay?”

“It has to be the arse cheek for me,” he said. “Due to the image I have to portray as a personal trainer it has to be somewhere not visible to my clients.”

“That all depends on what type of services you offer,” I laughed nervously. “I mean did you not say that a large number of your clients are the stay-at-home-wives of rich businessmen who are always away on ‘work-related’ trips?”

“I’m a professional,” he blushed as we drew lots to see who would go first. Giles found himself getting onto the artist’s bench.

“It’s a lot sorer than I thought it would be,” he grimaced, as Brian got to work.

“It’s always worse in areas with less tissue,” conceded the girl behind the counter. She had turned around to view the spectacle and there was a sharp hint of sarcasm in her statement. With a full sleeve and no doubt dozens of other pieces of artwork hidden on her body, she was clearly trolling the whimpers of my posh friend.

Adam was next up, followed by Gadams before it was my turn to bend over Brian’s bench. Laying the stencil on my skin, I took a look in the mirror to be sure of its positioning, and then let him get to work. I too had chosen my shoulder blade, despite my friend Lara always complaining how bony it is, and as the needle sewed the dark ink into my ghost white torso I felt the sensation of being scratched by a cat; if the cat were a starving wild leopard attacking a gazelle that is. Within minutes, however, Brian had completed his masterpiece and I was delighted with the intricacy he’d managed to produce from such a basic design. Ironically, I’d still never seen an actual kiwi bird in real life, despite it being the country’s national animal.

Jay was then the sole remaining member of the now christened ‘kiwi boys’ to go, and a little fan club had turned up for the spectacle. Two of the girls from our bus had caught a whiff of where we were and entered into the parlour fresh from getting their own matching ear piercings. The six of us watched gleefully as Jay pulled down his shorts and let Brian ruin his hairless derriere. Another bucket list item had been ticked off, and one which I was never sure I’d actually have the nerve to go ahead and complete.